family

Tribe

For four years I did my best to push through high school. I tried to only get as close to other people as absolutely necessary for survival. I wanted to get in, do well in school, and get out.

Just keep looking for the light. The light that is college, and interesting people, and intellectual conversation. Just keep searching for the light. There has to be a way out of this tunnel.

And I made it. I survived high school. I had a few friends, and managed to alienate everyone else. It was a very successful experiment in social interaction. Except then they came along. They came along with there similar taste in television. And their complete openness to everything. They just go around loving me for no good reason. And the two of them who won’t be moving into college dorms on August 24th are going to tie me to this town. This town I tried so hard to escape, unscathed. They’re just going to be here, caring about my well being and making sure I’m happy. Nate’s going to be too far away for everything. I mean, honestly, what were we thinking? And don’t get me started on Goose. She’s just going to move to Akron and we’re going to be more than five minutes away from each other. That’s just no good.

I don’t want new people. I don’t want forced intellectual conversation. I don’t want the light. I want them.

I need them. I can’t even begin to fathom not having them at every turn. And sure, I’ll meet new people, and I’ll have cool things to do with them. But nothing will beat spending Friday night at home, talking over a movie in our pajamas.

In our own completely ridiculous way, we’re a family. I love them. I’m not sure I can handle leaving them too.

Our parents spend the first years of our lives raising us into people. They hope that they make us functional enough to move on and find our own tribe.

I’ve found them.

The Basic Constructs of Sister-Friendness

First and foremost, you are  mine. And I don’t mean to sound like a five  year old who can’t share her toys, but I will. You are mine, and mine alone. You are mine to torture. Mine to fight with. Mine to be furious with. Mine to give to. Mine to protect. Mine to stand up for. Mine to share what I have with. And I am yours.

We are sisters, if I’m mad at someone, so are you. And vice versa, woman.

Sometimes I get all sorts of angry for no reason. I’m sorry for any of the spiteful things I say out of being a stupid girl. Next time just call me something mean, and then we can all get over it.

The truth will set you free, but first it’ll infuriate you. That’s just the way life works. Spoiler alert: The truth is less painful anyways.

Learn to communicate with Mom and Dad, but mostly Mom. Your life will be exponentially easier.

I’m proud of you now and forever, and will support you always. But if you make the decision to be a homeless cocaine addict, I’m dragging you to rehab no matter how much you protest.

Yes, you can borrow that sweater. If I’m in a bad mood, and say no, borrow it anyways. Then tell me Mom said you could. I’ll get over myself.

Do whatever you want with your life (EXCEPT what we’ve earlier discussed). Do stupid things with your life. Take all kinds of risks; financial, physical, metaphorical, emotional. Remember that I’ll be there to cheer you on as you succeed, and to pick you up when you fail. I’ll probably laugh a little first, sorry in advance.

Don’t always listen to me. I’m not always right. Do what you want to do. Sometimes, don’t listen to anyone but you. A little rebellion is healthy.

Not all soul mates are lovers. Some are friends, some are family. We probably all have more than one. You were my first. You are my favorite soul mate. You’re my person.  Nothing can change that. I don’t care what it is, or how far it is, or how bad it may seem. I will always help you drag the dead body across the living room floor. I’ll bail you out of jail. I’ll fly across the world for you. Hell, I’d run across the world for you. I just may roll my eyes through most of it.

You are my first and oldest friend. Thank you.